To Walk Humbly
A few months ago, my son and I did the 4-day Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, and I want to start the story of Caleb and my journey to Machu Picchu near the end, and I’ll finish it here too, as I have realised how this one moment crystallised the spiritual journey I went on as we did this hike.
On the completion of our 4-day hike, after seeing Machu Picchu, I stood in the strangely tourist-centric town below. We were standing in the train station and I was looking at my train ticket with anxiety and frustration, wondering how we could have missed our train. How I could have been so silly as to not check with someone. I felt a bit sick. But no time for that, my mind snapped to action, we needed to solve this… but I was exhausted from 4 days of hiking at altitude, constantly worried that one of my previous injuries would flare up. But no time for self-pity, I thought to myself, as Caleb and I marched over to the ticketing booth. Eventually finding out that it would cost us one-third of the price we had already paid for the whole hike itself. In that moment, no amount of “let’s fix this and get it done” attitude was going to lift me. I began to berate myself and think about how this was ridiculous and stupid, how could I be so careless. But as I came to realise, this was just one more step in walking humbly.
2 weeks earlier in Australia
As I sat down going over the last details of our trip, I realised everything was as organised as it could be. I had my Excel document with everything in it. I was meticulous. Everything needed to be in order, everything needed to be thought about and on hand. Why? Well, mostly because of how forgetful and absent-minded I can be. I needed every tool, management strategy and more, so that the trip would be smooth. But one thing still sat in my mind undone. I had missed my spiritual reflection day at the start of the year. The day where I spend a day seeking God and what my direction for the year is. Somehow, I had missed it this year, after 4 years of doing it every year without fail.
To make up for that, I wanted to put together a spiritual reflection template I could follow on the trip. With a verse, new context about the verse each day and a space to write my thoughts and talk to God. So, I began looking at the theme of eldership and being a supporting life-giving person. This is something I felt God has been challenging me about recently. As I searched for verses, this one stood out. New International Version - Hebrews 12:1-2: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." Little did I know how literal this verse was going to feel at times.
So, with everything together, the trip organised and my spiritual reflection ready, Caleb and I headed off. Boarding our first flight, preparing for our 36 hours in transit. I can’t sleep on planes so I was awake end to end, crashing out when reaching our destination. Over the next 3 days things went something like this: Breathe like I’m running a marathon from going up 3 stairs (Cusco, where we are staying, is at an altitude of 3400m) – Not being able to sleep properly, which doesn’t happen to me and then spend the day feeling exhausted. After 3 days of this (acclimatising to the altitude for our hike), I realised that I had done basically nothing on my spiritual written reflection. This would be a theme throughout the trip and a humbling of my plans.
On the last day before our hike, I was feeling pretty on edge. Between lack of sleep, almost having the hike cancelled by our operator and generally feeling grumpy that day, I decided to walk up 7 flights of stairs at our accommodation… Because why not get my heart rate to over 160bpm as my body tried to get enough oxygen. As I rounded the last set of stairs, curious as to what was at the top of our accommodation, I discovered a roof that overlooked the whole of the town. It was night time and it looked spectacular, it was amazing.
As we drove to the base of the hike, I was again reminded of how much is in my control. The van we were in had music videos playing while the driver was watching them, at the same time avoiding more pot holes than i’d see in the rest of my life combined, and doing this while driving like he was racing in Formula 1. But, the important thing is that we were on our way to the adventure. We arrived at our starting point in one piece, packs on our backs, ready to go.
Over the first day of the hike it was clear to me that spending 3 days acclimatising to the altitude in Cusco was the right move. We had two other people in our tour and they hadn’t. At a normal walking speed, going up a slight hill, my watch was telling me I was doing aerobic activity. 155 beats per minute was my heart rate. But, while having to stop for breath every 15 minutes, I have never seen views so beautiful.
At the end of the first day we arrived at our campsite, ate our food and I crashed immediately into my sleeping bag and was roused by my alarm for our early start the next morning. No spiritual reflection was done…
At some point the next day, between almost breaking my ankle three times (have a look at these steps)
I realised I hadn’t done my reflection again. But, that thought didn’t last long because I was once again going down steps that looked like they were made explicitly to cause serious injuries. Between that and the steep climb, feeling like my heart might actually fail from the exertion, I was a little preoccupied with my own mortality. Have a look at this drop.
Again, as I reflect on this journey, I’m reminded about how much each step mattered. How any hubris I might have about how well I can walk these steps, might be met with consequences I would rather avoid. My guide did say he would give me a piggyback if I broke my leg. He wasn’t joking either. He then told me how the guides and porters literally carry people through the rest of the hike. There were many things to keep me humble, including that while us tourists were bumbling our way through the hike, every now and then you would hear someone yell “Porter!” And the porters, with packs going well above their heads, would go running past (yes, running) and as well as I thought I was doing, I would always be brought back to earth, realising that I am like a toddler learning to walk compared to them.
Somewhere along the way here, between the exhaustion and collapsing into bed I managed to go another day without looking at my spiritual reflection. However, I had started to say something in my head that had stuck with me as I was preparing this reflection. And that was the context to the verse I had chosen.
The author of Hebrews uses the powerful metaphor of a Greek athletic stadium. Imagine yourself as an athlete entering the arena. The stands are filled with a "great cloud of witnesses." The Greek word for "witness" is martus, from which we get our word "martyr." They are not just watching you; their lives testify to God's faithfulness through hardship. Their presence is proof that the race is worth running and that the God who sustained them will sustain you.
As I took each step, with either worry or triumph, I reminded myself of the “great cloud of witnesses” cheering me on in my journey. And on the third day things were getting particularly hard. The steps were both very steep going up and down, and they were the most uneven steps I had ever seen. My knee was starting to hurt and I began to feel the most discouraged I had felt this trip, as the exhaustion really felt like it was setting in. At one point, after nearly spraining my ankle three times in ten minutes and struggling to get enough oxygen, I just felt angry and upset with myself. I stopped and looked out, and this is what I saw.
It felt like a literal cloud of witnesses was watching me. Immediately I was spurred on, feeling energy and the will to keep going. As I continued to walk and marvel at the view something struck me. Here I was on the second last day of the hike and having done none of my planned spiritual reflection, I had somehow done my spiritual reflection. After all the frustration with myself and feeling let down that I hadn’t gone through the daily plan I had made, I was getting what God wanted me to understand. And, with that thought, I really didn’t give my plan another thought, not until we were on our way back on the train.
That brings us back to the train. As I sat on the train, this is what I wrote:
“I finished the hike! I sit here on the train, having missed the first one and paying an extra 400 dollars. I felt like I was having a slight panic attack when I realised we missed it. But I reframed, I looked at what we had and just went with it. It could have taken over the day, the finish, the conclusion, it could have coloured the day but it was too important because what we had achieved and done was so important. Also, I think something is crystallising for me. I made this format to follow but as things unfolded it was very hard to do. I was wrecked everyday and asleep as soon as I hit the pillow. But, instead I kept it in my heart and mind. I mulled over it. As things got tough personally I remembered it and reflected in the moment. I walked with it literally and it has begun to change me. In what ways I don't know exactly and that I think that is the point, I'm not hyper focused on the end, I'm focused on what’s important in that moment. I have the end in mind but I'm humble about how to get there. I could have never really understood what it was to do this hike, it was too far out of my experience to get it but I knew that what mattered was what I was doing in this moment. One foot after the other, enjoying the time with my son and creating the best memory and experience. And in the end, that got me to my destination.”
This trip was started over two months ago now and as I reflect on a new journey here at Burleigh, Palm Beach and Robina, I feel excited that we get to walk this epic journey together. And while we have a destination in mind, who knows what is going to happen on the way. There is going to be pain, worry and frustration. But, that is where the great cloud of witnesses is cheering us on. Cheering us onto something new we can’t conceive, that will give way to joy, peace and a new sense of being together.