Ask, listen, see by Mary-Anne Rulfs
Having ‘been around’ as they say, something I really value about our Anglican pattern of prayer and worship is the way this pattern gathers up the important milestones of the Christian year into a cycle that holds us, year to year, and extends special days like Christmas and Easter into seasons, gifting us time to reflect and be shaped by the good news that we are known, loved and made whole by God, who IS love and faithfully extends grace and mercy towards us in the person of Jesus the Christ and the presence of God’s Holy Spirit.
One of these milestones is Ash Wednesday, which in 2026 falls next Wednesday. I grew up in a tradition that didn’t observe Ash Wednesday, and now really appreciate the opportunity to observe the beginning of Lent alongside others. I’ll be at St Hilda’s on Wednesday, leading their whole-of-school Ash Wednesday service. I’ll include some words I have used before with students at Coomera Anglican College:
If I was to describe my approach to sharing the good news of God’s love after 6 decades of being surrounded by, immersed in and shaped by Christan community from many different Christian traditions, I would say it is this: to love. To meet people where they are at, be present with them, and love them, as we have been loved by God.
This hard work of love is costly. It means putting aside our own agenda to change people – well, to change their minds at least – and to prioritise Jesus’ agenda of being with another person in ways where they can feel seen and heard and recognise God’s invitation to love in retrurn. A good starting place is to be curious. Ask good questions that show respect for a person’s journey and create space for them to share what they would like to about who they are, where they’ve been and what matters most to them. That is, respect their God-given dignity.
Listen well. Listen with a view to better understanding and appreciating the other person. Listen with a view to learning.
And finally, in seeing the dignity in the other, reflect it back to the person you have encountered. Sometimes people struggle to see their own dignity or self-worth. Learning to do this hard work of love is a life-long project. It is the pathway to wholeness and healing (salvation) that leads to life in all its fulness.
In an age where we can ask AI anything we want, the skill of asking good questions is a key strategy for creating healthier community and building stronger relationships. Genuine curiosity seems to be grossly lacking in the public domain at present. How can we, as the church, be more curious what’s happening in our community?
Likewise, listening well is a skill that needs cultivating in our schools, in our church community and in the wider community. When we listen well we truly hear, rather than projecting our biases or underdeveloped ideas onto another.
Listening well helps us see more clearly. To see another’s God-given dignity and shape our response accordingly. Only when we have heard another person and seen them do we have any right to share with them our experience of God and God’s love.
It’s the pattern Jesus uses to engage with people over and over again. Whether they are familiar to him or not, Jesus’ approach to sharing the good news of the kingdom of heaven – of life in Christ – is to always to truly see, and to see the dignity of the other. He calls out hypocrisy, hate, blindness and ignorance when he sees it, especially in religious leaders. But always Jesus listens with a view to better understand, and to help the person see the dignity he sees within themselves.
In July we have the opportunity to participate in a weekend retreat of prayer and refection along with others from our parish communities and staff in Anglican schools. This retreat will be shaped around growing ways of seeing God-given dignity in ourselves and others and the world around us: hearts in everything ... Christ-centred ways of being and seeing with dignity.
I’d love you to join me as we set aside time in the rhythm of the year for intentional spiritual refreshment, gently spending time with others, with God and with yourself in beautiful and peaceful surroundings. There will be time for quiet reflection in facilitated activities as well as time for sharing with others. Time to rest physically and be re-energised spiritually.
If you haven’t been on a retreat before, I’m happy to chat with you about it.
For now, go well as you journey into Lent and beyond to the promise of life in all its fullness – the promise of Jesus’ resurrection.
Mary-Anne Rulfs